THE GOAL OF DIVORCE MEDIATION: A “GOOD” DIVORCE

A “good” divorce accomplishes 3 objectives:

1. Legal Divorce – ends the marriage or civil union within a reasonable time of the decision to divorce, without high legal fees that drain the family’s finances, and with a minimum of acrimony and fighting.
2. Economic Divorce – separates the marital or civil union partners into 2 distinct economic units so that assets and income are fairly distributed and economic sacrifice equally shared.
3. Emotional Divorce – allows both partners to mourn the end of the marriage, leaving the former partners capable of behaving decently and respectfully toward each other, able to cooperate as parents, and able to embark on new relationships.

A “good” divorce allows all family members to move on to satisfying and productive lives.

THE KEY TO ACHIEVING A “GOOD” DIVORCE: THE QUALITY OF THE NEGOTIATIONS

The key to a good divorce is the quality of the negotiations between the divorcing marital or civil union partners.

In order to improve the quality of the negotiations, both partners must make an effort to follow some basic rules of mediation:

• Be active, not passive
• Acquire knowledge rather than depend exclusively on professionals
• Make full and complete disclosure of all financial information
• Base all negotiations on need, not fault
• Negotiate in good faith, not bad faith
• Attack the problem at hand; do not attack the other partner
• Listen to the other partner, and make an honest effort to understand; do not be judgmental.

THE FOUR STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL NEGOTIATIONS

1. The partners must stop attacking each other. Remember: how each partner feels is not how either partner has to behave. Instead, the partners should jointly attack the problems they both face.
2. The partners should define the problems by identifying their individual interests.
3. The partners should identify all the options that might solve their problems.
4. The partners must find mutually satisfying solutions to their problems.